


Die Nacht So Warm Und Ich So Kalt

by xLoveMx



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Widojest - Freeform, Widojest Week, and lots of feels, past caleb/astrid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25198405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLoveMx/pseuds/xLoveMx
Summary: Jester desperately wants to help Caleb, so she sneaks out one night while they're in Rexxentrum. // aka the fic where I rolled a deception check to see if Jester could bullshit her way into Astrid's house.
Relationships: Astrid & Jester Lavorre, Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 10
Kudos: 72
Collections: Widojest Week 2020





	Die Nacht So Warm Und Ich So Kalt

**Author's Note:**

> Day 6 of Widojest Week, loosely based on the prompt "getting called out".  
> I am, somehow, super proud of this one, and it gave me a lot of FEELS, so enjoy x

It was late when Jester snuck out of the tavern. Too late, technically, but it was the only time of the day when she could actually get away from everyone without raising any suspicions.

Everyone else was either passed out from the fight or alcohol, minus Caduceus of course. He didn’t drink, much like Jester, but she simply hoped he hadn’t noticed her slipping out of the room. Beau certainly hadn’t, because she had been fast asleep and snoring when Jester had left.

The streets of Rexxentrum were still unfamiliar to her, and while Nicodranas was a comparatively big city, it was still different. Everything seemed a little darker and more cramped, and while there were still people out on the streets, it was nothing compared to the lively streets of Jester’s hometown.

She could see the towers from where she was walking, hood drawn into her face in an attempt to not attract too much attention to herself. She knew the general direction she was walking in, but she did have to stop every now and then to ask people for directions. Most of them were drunk, or tipsy at least, staggering about and giggling to themselves when it was clear that they had sent her into the wrong direction.

The closer she got to the towers, however, the more the buildings thinned out, until eventually the house that resided on the grounds of _31 Woadstone Manor_ rose before her. It was smaller than most of the other houses around, but pretty, nonetheless.

Jester could feel her heart beating hard against her ribcage as she stepped closer to the door. She knew that, technically, she wasn’t supposed to be here. She wasn’t even sure what she was going to say, or if she would even be seen, but there was a force driving her to this place, to see _her_.

_You were always a better dancer than me, Astrid._

It was a sentence that had stuck with her through all these months, because it had been the first time that she had been able to peek behind the façade that Caleb had so carefully constructed. It had only been for a moment, but she had known that Astrid was important to him then, and maybe she could…

“Could what?” She whispered to herself, ignoring the way her stomach twisted just a little bit. She had no idea what she was supposed to say if she was really let into the house, but it had also been impossible for her not to come here.

Caleb didn’t want to see Astrid. Or maybe he was just afraid. If Jester could maybe get the woman to go and see Caleb, then maybe it could help him in some way.

_Or it could make things worse._ A small voice in the back of her head reminded her, and Jester was well aware of that possibility.

The moment they had stepped foot in this city, Caleb had visibly tensed up and it had pained Jester to see him like that. Icky-Thong was obviously an awful person, but she had a feeling that there was more to this whole thing, something Caleb wasn’t telling them. Maybe it had to do with Astrid, maybe it didn’t, but now that Jester was here, she’d be damned if she didn’t at least try to somehow make amends. If it helped Caleb then she’d be glad, and if it went poorly…well then she’d probably be dead anyway, so she wouldn’t need to worry about it anymore.

Lifting her hand, Jester took a deep breath before eventually knocking on the wooden door. There was still light behind the curtains that had obstructed her view walking up to the house, but that didn’t automatically mean that she would be seen to.

It took a moment before she could hear shuffling on the other side of the door, followed by the creaking of said door being opened just enough for someone to peek through the crack. It was a young man, a halfling, with his dark hair pushed into a ponytail. He was attempting to keep a neutral expression, but there was clearly surprise and maybe mild annoyance mixed in there as well.

“Yes? How may I help you?” He asked, looking Jester up and down for a moment. She quickly swallowed her nervousness, standing up a little straighter.

“I am here on behalf of the law firm _Nott &Brave._ I was told that our letter was received, and I should come here to…discuss business concerning the inheritance.” She could still feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest but ignored it as best as possible.

“At…this hour?” The man asked back, confusion still visible on his face. Jester couldn’t even blame him; it was probably close to midnight at this point.

“It’s urgent business. I can come back in the morning, but I was told by…your employer to come here as soon as possible.”

After giving her another once over, the young man eventually pulled the door open a little further, giving a nod. “Well. If it’s urgent I will be asking the Lady if she is still up for a visitor. If you’d be so kind to wait.” The door was shut again, and Jester let out a breath she hadn’t even been aware she was holding.

This was turning out to be a lot more nerve-wracking than she had expected it to be, but then again, she hadn’t really thought a lot about it to begin with. Somehow there wasn’t much she could do to help Caleb, even though she desperately wanted to, so this seemed like the only logical thing to do. Even if it made her feel like she was about to vomit at any given second.

A few minutes passed, and Jester almost thought that her attempts had been in vain, when the door eventually opened again, revealing the same halfling man. “You may step in and wait here. The Lady will be down shortly.”

Jester nodded, feeling her heartrate picking up again as she stepped into the house, watching as the door was being closed behind her. The room she was in was pretty sparsely decorated. In fact, there wasn’t much else other than a small table under the window with two couches that faced each other.

Jester couldn’t imagine than an assassin got a lot of visitors, or maybe she didn’t spend much time here anyways, especially in times of war. There was nothing on the walls, either, and Jester couldn’t help but think that this wasn’t how she would imagine Caleb to decorate a house. There’d be books everywhere, scrolls of paper lying around along with a quill and ink on every surface so he could always write something down. She’d hang up paintings on the walls to make it look like a home and…

“Miss Lavorre, I believe?” A voice pulled Jester from her thoughts and she looked up, her eyes catching sight of the woman that now stood on the stairs. She wasn’t at all how Jester had imagined her with her dirty blond hair that was short in the back but framed the right side of her face down to her chin and a scar on her face that went all the way from her brow across her cheek. There was another scar, or a burn mark maybe, on her neck, which seemed to be partially covered. She was beautiful, but absolutely not what Jester had thought she’d look like.

“Jester is fine,” She eventually managed, still trying to calm down her racing heart. Astrid looked almost kind. A little stern and serious maybe, but kind nevertheless, a little like Caleb when they had first met.

“Jester it is then,” She nodded, moving to descend the rest of the stairs. Her accent was the same as Caleb’s, and yet Jester’s name sounded so different coming from her lips. It made her stomach twist a little, but she did her best to ignore the unpleasant feeling. “You spoke of an inheritance.”

_Oh, right._

“Yeah…well. That was a little bit of a lie.” She managed and couldn’t help but notice the fleeting smile that crossed Astrid’s lips. “I’ve got some fun stuff though, if you want something. Like this really scary mask, if you really want something. I’d have to go back and get it though.”

Waving her hand, Astrid nodded towards the two couches, settling down onto one. Jester hesitated for a moment before eventually sitting down on the opposite one. “I…look. We didn’t mean to lie to you, honestly back then we thought it was a good idea? Caleb was a very secretive about you and when he said your name when we danced…” Jester briefly trailed off, ignoring the pang in her chest at her own words, “…we just thought we could maybe reconnect you. We didn’t know that…” Again, she found herself fading out, because it was probably not the wisest idea to finish that sentence. She was well aware that there was a lot of things she didn’t know about what had happened to Caleb, but this town made him anxious, and Astrid was partly the reason for it. Along with Icky-Thong, of course.

Jester shivered ever so slightly at the thought of this guy, he really gave her the creeps and when Yasha had offered to murder and chop him up into tiny pieces Jester really had been tempted.

“Of course you didn’t,” Astrid nodded, leaning back into the couch. “Would you like some tea?”

“Do you have dead people tea?” The other woman’s eyebrow rose again at Jester’s words.

“I have no idea what Bren told you about me, but I am intrigued.” She leaned forward ever so slightly, and Jester couldn’t help but chuckle just a tiny bit. Astrid’s eyes were focused on Jester and the corners of her lips were curved upwards into a smile.

“No. Caduceus, our friend, he used to live in a graveyard. And he makes tea out of the people they bury. Like not their actual flesh or anything. He kinda grows a fungus on them and uses that. It sounds wild, I know, but the tea is actually pretty good.” Definitely not the direction she had wanted this conversation to go in, but if Jester was being honest then she really had no idea how to actually articulate what she wanted, or if it was even possible.

“Well that sounds…interesting,” Astrid chuckled, leaning back again. “Maybe you could get me some, you know, to compensate for the promised and now lost inheritance. Do tell though, what brought you here?”

Resisting the urge to bite her lip, Jester found herself folding her hands in her lap. She had thought about turning around and leaving about ten times when coming here, but ultimately, she had made the decision to see this through. She wanted to help Caleb, do something to make him feel better about himself. She wasn’t sure if Astrid could help, even if it was just to know that she still cared for him. How was he ever supposed to know if he wouldn’t go and see her?

“Do you…love him?” She eventually found herself asking, her chest tightening at the words. She might not have known a lot about love, but the way Caleb had talked about Astrid, like she had been the one, had tugged at Jester’s heartstrings, and for a moment she could see the same sadness in her eyes.

And sadness was something Jester knew quite a lot about.

Astrid, with her elbows on her knees and chin rested on top of her hands, just looked at Jester for a moment, before speaking again. “Do you?”

Digging her fingers into the fabric of her dress, Jester had never felt more like a deer caught in the headlights. She could feel her heart beating hard against her ribcage, and suddenly it was almost impossible to breathe. She would have asked for a window to be opened, but Astrid was looking at her so intently, as if she could see straight into Jester’s soul. There was nothing accusing about it though, just genuine interest and curiosity it seemed.

“I just…I want to help him.” Jester muttered, suddenly fighting tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes.

“I know what that feels like,” Astrid replied, hand coming to touch the burn mark on her neck. “to love someone so much that you want to take their pain away, even if it means you yourself will suffer.”

Glancing up at the other woman, Jester used a hand to wipe at her eyes in an attempt to keep the tears from falling. She didn’t want to be crying, but the thought of not being able to help Caleb through this, no matter how hard she tried, was making her feel so helpless that it hurt.

“He’s not the boy I used to know anymore, though.” Astrid eventually continued, “The Bren I knew back then would have never set foot back into this town, and yet he’s here, and I assume it’s not because of reasons entirely for his own good. He seems to be here for his friends, and those friends don’t include me, not anymore.” Jester could see a hint of sadness passing over her features again just then. “So, I don’t think I can help you.”

Jester wasn’t even sure what she had come here for. To ask Astrid to contact Caleb, because he wouldn’t? Or to find out more about his past in order to help him? It didn’t feel right going behind his back, and maybe she shouldn’t have come, expecting someone else to help her with all of this. It had been such a long time though, and even though she kept reassuring Caleb that they were there for him, that she was going to be by his side, he still looked terrified with every step he took.

“You could tell us where to find Icky-Thong alone. Yasha offered to murder him and chop him into tiny little pieces.”

A smile passed over Astrid’s face and she shook her head. “His methods are…questionable, but he’s an old man that will eventually perish, making room for someone else. What’s in the past is in the past, and if you hold on to it then you give it power to be held over you. If you do however end up…chopping him up, maybe get me some of that dead people tea you spoke about. It would make for interesting conversations over dinner,” She then chuckled, and Jester couldn’t quite help but laugh through her tears.

“I really like you. I probably shouldn’t though,” The words were out before she could stop herself and honestly, she had imagined Astrid to be different. Less soft and less funny, more like the guy they had met with Trent, stoic and serious, and suddenly she could imagine a younger Astrid, witty and clever, hungry for knowledge, much like Caleb, and she wasn’t surprised these two had fallen in love.

“I should…probably go.” Jester eventually added, taking a deep breath as she got up from the couch. “I’m sorry for…bothering you so late at night.”

Astrid, who had followed suit, still had her lips curved into a somewhat soft smile as she reached out to brush some of the tears from Jester’s cheeks. _“Versprich mir, dass du an seiner Seite bleibst, so wie ich es nicht konnte,”_

Jester recognized the language but couldn’t make out what exactly the other woman was saying. It felt wrong to ask though, so she simply blinked, leaning into the warm touch for a moment.

“And I apologize for not being able to be of more help. Do send me some tea though.” Pulling her hand back, Astrid smiled again, watching as Jester nodded, heading for the door, which was opened by the halfling man that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere again.

Jester stepped over the threshold, but then stopped, turning around once more. “Astrid?”

“Ja?”

“Are you really that much of a better dancer than Caleb?” She could have asked anything, really, but the first time she had heard the other woman’s name had been during that waltz with Caleb, and it was something that had stayed with Jester. It was the first time he had trusted her with something about himself and his past, even if it had partly been due to the alcohol he had consumed.

“I was a better dancer than Bren,” She replied, leaning against the doorframe for a moment. “I can’t really speak for Caleb, but when you find out whether or not he’s a better dancer now, maybe let me know.” And with that she took a step back, closing the door.

Jester still stood there for a moment, taking in the quiet of the night, before she made her way back through the city and to the Inn where they were staying. Her heart was somehow both lighter and heavier at the same time, a feeling she wasn’t quite sure how to deal with. And so Jester eventually found her way back upstairs and into the room that Caleb was sleeping in, purposefully breaking the thread and setting off the alarm. She watched as he shot up in bed, clearly agitated for a moment, before his eyes got used to the darkness and he recognized her standing in the doorway.

“Jester?” There was no response, instead she moved to climb into the bed beside him, her arms wrapping around him tightly as she buried her face into his chest. Maybe there wasn’t much more she could do to help him other than just being there for him, and maybe one day it was going to be enough to mend the wounds that the past had inflicted on him. For no, Jester could feel him relaxing in her embrace, one arm coming to rest on her back, and she thought that, maybe, that was enough to see them through to another morning where the world could look just a little bit brighter.


End file.
